Silly Projects
Here is a collection of projects I've done for friends, family and clients through the years.
If you wish to share them you can- the only requirement is to please use the author's name in full (Beth Brubaker)
and a link back to the home page of this site (bethbrubaker.com) Thank you!
Beth Brubaker
Ode to Baldness
by Beth Brubaker
Once upon a time there was
a hairy-headed man.
And then one day his hair fell out,
when this was not his plan.
It fell upon his chest you see,
and on his stomach too,
and everywhere it landed,
it grew and grew and grew.
So if you see a balding man
walking down the street
with not a single hair on his chest
look down- it grew on his feet!
A Birthday Song
by Beth Brubaker
(to the tune of
You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby)
You must have been a beautiful baby,
but now you're old and wrinkled and tired,
The wrinkles on your skin,
are so deeply set in,
That prunes and raisins are inspired!
Oh you must have been a beautiful kid then
when dinosaurs had ro-oamed the earth
It's been a while since then,
you've gain a pound or ten,
the years have widened out your girth!
Oh you must have been a beautiful baby
but it's been fifty years since your birth!
Twas the Night of Obamacare
by Beth Brubaker
Twas the night we all dreaded
The President stated,
our healthcare plans
were sorely outdated.
We need to upgrade them
to plans that don't work,
and if we refuse
we'll be fined by these jerks!
We all have to do this
(except for the Prez),
and Congress, and others
he's chosen, he says.
To top it all off
he supports GMO's,
to keep the docs busy
and to make more John Doe's.
We need to impeach him!
Say the people- now cynics,
we want back our health care
our dental and clinics!
We don't like the policies
you exclude yourself from,
We Americans yell,
'Kick him out on his bum!'
He'll hear us exclaim
as we do what is right,
'Your reign is over
Obama- Good night!'
Ode to the Spell Check Police
By Beth Brubaker
Speaking as both a writer and mom,
some things make me quiver and quake,
Especially when I am reading a post
And find all these spelling mistakes!
It's lose and not loose I explain with a cringe,
To people who don't really care,
Although it is true you can loose all your clothes,
either way, you'll be utterly bare.
To loose is to loosen, to lose means it's lost,
How can I explain any better?
If you meant that you lost it and not that it's loose,
get rid of that darn extra letter!
Another that pesters is there, their, and they're,
they all sound the same to our mind,
'There' means not here, and 'their' means not mine,
and the last means 'they are'- just combined!
Don't depend on the spell check- it's not all ways rite,
as ewe sea bye the weigh that eye rime,
it mite sound core wrecked butt its deaf nit lee knot,
and awl those core wrecked shuns take thyme!
So read what you write before you hit send,
I promise you'll never regret it,
Just watch for those O's and give them 'their' due
No correction posts if you just edit!
An Ode to Menopause
by Beth Brubaker
Menopause, menopause,
what have you done?
This change of life thing
was supposed to be fun!
No worries of babies,
no underwear blues,
I had all my kids
and I paid all my dues!
And now you show up,
hormones all aflutter,
my kids have a psychopath
grump for a mother!
My husband has suffered
through marriage and kids,
and now I'm hormonal?
Oh, look what you did!
Cold flushes by day,
hot flashes by night,
I'm ranting and raving
'cause nothing's done right.
And just forget cuddling
or intimate games,
when your body is freezing
or bursts into flames!
So thanks a lot, Menopause
for giving me grief,
Your unwanted visit
had better be brief!
